| August 30,
2002... The Review
Project |
I figured it was high time to update the cartoon
page. I've also added a review of The Raiden Project for
the Playstation and a brief comic I drew several years ago,
well before Nature of the Beast officially debuted. If
it's too rough for you, there's a better drawing of Elle on
the cartoon page, which I suggest you visit at your earliest
convenience (NOW NOW NOW!).
No, Phil, I haven't forgotten about your giant robot
reviews. I just haven't had the time to really look at
them yet. In fact, I'm burning the midnight oil just
finishing this update! ^^;
| September 22,
2002... A Friend in
Need |
This update's a day early, I know... I just have a request
I need to make that's unrelated to the commentary you'll find
below.
Now I don't ask too much of you guys... just feedback and,
if you're a contributor to the site, the occasional article or
review. I haven't asked for donations in years, way back
when I was using the original layout for The Gameroom Blitz,
and even that didn't last long. I know what you're
thinking, and no, I'm not going to start asking for donations
again. What I WOULD like you to do, if you could, is
help out a friend of mine. He's having trouble finding a
job in the New York/New Jersey area, and he's nail-bitingly
close to running out of food and financial support. If
you know of any job offers in these two states, or one that
caters to his skills in another location, I urge you to visit
this site and contact him as soon as possible.
http://helpshawn.cjb.net
| September 21,
2002... Depression Fighter Alpha
2 |
I'm back, and this time, I've brought some content with me!
You'll find a new review in the Game Boy Advance section of
the site, and better yet, a detailed opinion of the recently
released e-Card reader dropped in with the rest of the
features. Yes, there's actually up to the minute gaming
coverage on The Gameroom Blitz... you'd better get your
umbrellas, because the pigs are flying today!
I'll be frank with you guys... I was too depressed to write
much for The Gameroom Blitz in the past month. But you know
what? Depression is all just a state of mind, and you can pull
yourself out of it if you make an effort. I just started to
realize that today, when things seemed their worst. The
weather washed everything with an equal mixture of rain and
darkness, the friend I wanted to visit was nowhere to be
found, and I just caught a preview of the latest Adam Sandler
film. It was at that moment that I thought to myself, "Hey, I
don't have to torture myself by feeling like this! And I don't
have to stop editing The Gameroom Blitz, either! I'm just as
good a writer as I've always been, and I can take all this
frustration and anger I've felt in the last month and convert
it to fuel for some of the greatest articles that have ever
been published on the site!" So that's exactly what I'm going
to do. I'm not going to worry about how the next feature on
the site is going to turn out, or what people will think of
it... I'm just going to WRITE it, dammit! Even if it sucks,
the next one will be better, and the next one will be even
better than that, until the articles are excellent and the
site is just as fun to read as it was two years ago!
| September 14,
2002... Ippo's Rocky Road to
Glory |
You've waited this long for an update, and all you're
getting is another crappy Zoo Logic comic. Sucks to be
you, huh?
I'm in a disagreeable mood right now so I'm going to make
this update short. I just picked up Victorious Boxers:
Ippo's Road to Glory on the recommendation of some
friends. I would have reviewed it... but I'm still not
sure if I've even PLAYED it. I hoped beyond hope that it
would have intuitive controls, and of course, since this was a
Playstation 2 game, I was sorely disappointed. It's not
as confusing and annoying as Teleroboxer was, but something is
very, very wrong when you have to tap up, twice, to make your
character duck. Where's the logic in that? All the
time you spend facing odd angles that can't possibly hit the
opponent is a serious annoyance as well. It's not a
complete disaster- the game engine is certainly competant,
although a touch bland- but because of the lousy control it's
doubtful that I'll play it regularly. I'll stick around
just long enough to mix it up with the bear pictured on the
back of the box, but that's it.
One of my readers (a pretty cool guy I met while sifting
through the thrift items at Goodwill) offered a theory in
response to Microsoft's recent purchase of Rare. He
surmises that there'll be another gaming crash, and that all
the corporations that were in it for the money will leave the
industry in disgust, just like Atari had in 1984. Only
the companies that care about this hobby as an artform will
remain to try to revive it, and the industry will ultimately
benefit as a result. Frankly, I'd actually LIKE to see
this happen, but people have speculated about another video
game crash since the mid 1990's, and everyone's still waiting
for it. Perhaps we won't have to wait much longer,
though... as Deciheximal pointed out, companies are making the
grave mistake of pandering to a fickle audience. Once
they get tired of the sex, violence, and pretty graphics in
today's games, they'll move on to something else... and the
true gamers that felt shut out of the hobby will no longer be
there to save it.
It's gotten progressively tougher for me to stay interested
in video games, let me tell you. Right now, I find
(clean) furry fandom more entertaining... it's also a lot more
productive, since I spend more of my free time improving my
artwork rather than screaming at my television after falling
into lava for the sixteenth time. Yes, Maximo, that was
a shot at you. Whaddaya gonna do about it, Captain
Underpants? I betcha can't even reach me without
tripping into a pit or getting gang raped by skeletons
first. Incompetant jerk.
Uh, I was going somewhere with this. Oh yeah... the
Rogue's Gallery is still a ways off, but since I'm eager to
get my artwork published somewhere, I'm going to start
contributing to the Side 7 archive. I would have
preferred Yerf, but since they're not interested in my work
(snif), Side 7 will have to do. So if you like my crummy
artwork as much as you like my crummy web site, stop
scratching those lobotomy stitches and head on over to Side
7... I should have something available for you in a couple of
weeks.
| September 9,
2002... Baked
POTATO! |
Well, the Potato Festival just wrapped up yesterday, and it
actually wasn't all that bad this year. They still
didn't have an arcade (heck, I haven't seen one there in over
a decade), but I did manage to pick up a couple of cool items,
most notably that Super Marijuana Brothers T-shirt I've been
raving about for the last month. It's been a real head
turner so far... I've had people ask me to stand still so they
can read it. That's when they whip out the handcuffs and
police batons and- oh, wait, I wasn't supposed to mention that
part. Heh heh!
I also found this article of clothing, which was pretty
surprising. Most people barely remember SNK, much less
one of their more obscure characters from the later Samurai
Shodown games. I was tempted to take this jacket home
with me, but it looked pretty shoddy, like something that
would have melted off Homer Simpson's back while he
reluctantly returned to his job at the nuclear power
plant. Even at twenty dollars, I couldn't justify the
price. I was, however, happy to take home a Ranma 1/2
video for a couple of bucks. There was a LOT of anime'
at one of the festival booths, which was another
shocker. Most of it was just pirated Dragonball Z
episodes, probably taped straight from Cartoon Network, but
there were nearly as many commercial releases, including a lot
of films I've never watched or even knew existed. I'm
kicking myself for not having bought Harmageddon... I've
wondered about that film ever since I saw the footage of
Bega's Battle in an old issue of Electronic Fun and Games.
So that was this year's Potato Festival, and that also
marks the end of our hiatus. As promised earlier, you'll
find Phil Estes' detailed opinions of Kabuki Warriors and
Shikigami no Shiro on the review page. After that, stay
tuned for an upcoming Bloody Roar blowout by yours truly...
I've become addicted to the series thanks to its fast,
straightforward gameplay and beautifully designed animal
characters. I just need to scrape up the money to afford
the third game, or at least rent it. It makes me wish I
had a GameCube, because Bloody Roar: Primal Fury is a lot
better than its drab Playstation 2 counterpart.
| September 6,
2002... Thinking Inside the
Box |
All right! I finally gots me a Super Marijuana
Brothers T-shirt! I've been looking forward to getting
one since last year's festival, when I couldn't afford
them. I couldn't really afford one today, either, but I
just had to indulge myself. It's not like there's a
Potato Festival every day, y'know.
There's something else I'm forgetting, aren't I? Oh
yeah! The Gameroom Blitz is finally off its hiatus horse, and
the first new addition to the site is a comics page.
From this point forward, you'll be able to access old Zoo
Logic and Nature of the Beast strips directly, without having
to stumble around blindly trying to find the links for
them. In addition to that, there are profiles for the
main characters in both comics, featuring previously
unpublished (and pretty cool, might I add) artwork. I
can't guarantee that all the links to the comics will work,
but if some of them are faulty I'll try to have them fixed by
Monday.
Monday's update should be a lot of fun... I'll not only
include a new Nature of the Beast comic but several X-Box
reviews, written by new staffer Phil Estes. I think
you'll be surprised by what Phil found for the system.
I'd tell you more, but it's more fun keep you guessing.
We'll see you Monday, folks!
| August 24,
2002... Swimming in a Sea of
Doubt |
Yep, the weekly comic is on hold, too. I've got too
much to deal with right now, and until I've become adjusted to
my new work schedule and classes, I need to lighten my load
and concentrate on what matters most to me.
It seems like The Gameroom Blitz is what matters least to
me right now. I had a lot of fun with the near daily
updates, but that's no longer possible given my current
situation. Moreover, I'm just discouraged. It's
tough to write about video games these days, because I hate
the industry more with every breath I take. If you're
wondering why, just look at the results of GameFAQs' recent
character polls. I'm more convinced than ever after
Scorpion vs. Pac-Man that most gamers are twelve year old
idiots with no sense of history and no appreciation for
quality game design. If a game has blood or tits in it,
they're just one "Huh, huh. Huh huh huh" away from
buying the damned thing. I feel like my own opinion
doesn't matter... my concerns have become irrelevant to an
industry that spends too much time pandering and nowhere near
enough actually making quality games.
It's also tough to keep drawing, because my artwork just
seems to be getting worse. The comic below looked so
cool before I inked it... what the hell happened? It's
very frustrating to spend the entire night working on a
drawing that could have been done by a more accomplished
artist in an hour. There's clearly something wrong with
my technique, and I'm just as certain that an art class would
help me address my shortcomings.
I'm also pretty sure that I need some sleep, so I'll talk
to you guys later.
| August 21,
2002... Out of
Gas |
I'm sorry it's been a while since I've posted. Now's
really not a good time for me to work on The Gameroom Blitz...
I just started my fall classes and I'm dealing with both a new
work schedule and a car that refuses to run. Today, I'm
completely exhausted because my Oldsmobile gave out on me five
miles from my job, forcing me to close the gap on foot.
I didn't like the idea before, but the more I think about it,
the more I'm convinced that pulling the plug on the Olds line
of cars was a smart move on GM's part.
All's calm on the on-line front, though. The Gameroom
Blitz seems to be getting more hits lately... the counter
should be up to 30,000 by now, and if I advertise on the right
sites I might be able to hit six figures by the end of next
year. I'm a little more confident about my artwork now
(so what if Yerf won't accept my drawings? There's at
least one person I can think of who's willing to pay for
them!), and I'm not so worried about what people think of the
site's mascot. Of course, I'm not letting Byron have
allthe fun... I'm currently starring in an online survival
challenge of my own, competing against Kobun Heat's Chris
Kohler and over a dozen other contestants in a contest
sponsored by Digital Press.
Sometimes I feel like Job, but his harsh trials eventually
paid off in the end, and things will get better for me as well
if I can just stick it out. I just have to make sure not
to swallow the poison, or my tounge, or this new set of Rush
CDs I bought last weekend.
| August 17,
2002... There's Gaming News in Here
Somewhere, I Swear! |
And with this update, Byron is out the door and on his way
to the magical world of Eleven Will Die, where sword, sorcery,
and, uh, squirrels rule. Eleven's going to be on hiatus
for a couple of weeks, so in the meantime, he'll cool his
heels in Chris Farrington's other comic Macropod Madness.
This'll be healthy for both of us, I think. Byron
will get to spend some time with other talking animals, and I
can stop pretending to have a bear for a son and indulge in a
little adult entertainment. To the nudie bar, Bud!
Uh, wait, that's too far. I think I'll stay local and
just listen to a house band that's performing at Edmore's most
popular watering hole. Be right back!
...
Wow... I reek of cigarette smoke and my head still hurts
from the loud music. But man, I'd do it again in an
instant. It's been a while since I've logged in some
quality bar time... I usually just buy cola or Shirley
Temples when I'm there, but there's something very satisfying
about the atmosphere. The band, Invisible Lisa (which
perfectly describes the ideal Simpsons episode), was pretty
good, too... a little screechy and way too L-O-U-D, but it was
fun listening to live interpretations of all my classic rock
favorites.
Games? Aw, fuck, do I have to talk about them
AGAIN? OK... uh, Sly Cooper's been getting rave reviews
by all the lucky bastards who got their hands on demos at
E3. The rest of us are going to have to settle for
renting Rocket: Robot on Wheels until Sucker Punch's second
game is introduced to the public next month. On the plus
side, it'll give me a reason to dig out ye olde Nintendo 64,
and even better, stomp on my crappy Joytech save pack when it
fails to work for the sixteenth time. Heh, Joytech...
now there's an oxymoron for you. Their products never
brought me much joy, and they're not technological wonders,
either. I haven't seen anything new from them lately,
though. Maybe (hopefully) the CEO of that company was
dragged out of his office, given a much deserved beating, and
for that extra special ironic touch, finished off with a dip
in his own pretty metallic red joystick paint.
| August 15,
2002... Yes, Eat ALL of Our
Shirts! |
A quick equation: three dollar Dreamcast game, minus
two dollar Blockbuster rebate, equals one very happy
Jess. I wish it would have been something a little more
exciting than basketball, but for a buck, I would have bought
just about anything for the Dreamcast. Well, maybe not
that awful Card Captors game where all you do is spin the girl
around on her phallic broom, taking pictures of her butt while
she flies to the next completely uninteractive battle.
After the redesign is finished and people can actually read
the comics and profiles, I'm going to start promoting The
Gameroom Blitz. Not only will you see this site
advertised elsewhere, you'll also get the chance to buy GRB
merchandise. Byron t-shirts are, of course, a given, but
I'd also like to have clothes with fun, relevant slogans...
the kind of stuff gamers would want to wear. Someone had
a doozy of a quote on Toastyfrog's Forum 'o Terror (which is
now Nobody In Particular's Forum 'o Terror, since the editor
has disavowed any knowledge of its existance) which I think
would work really well on a T-shirt. On the front, it
would calmly suggest, "Seriously, Acclaim...", and on the
back, the shirt would scream, "STOP SUCKING!!!".
If you guys know of a place where I could get these shirts
made that isn't called CafePress, please let me know.
That's the only site I can think of that offers the service
free of charge to anyone who needs it, but I've heard their
products fall apart faster than a cheap bra on (or a crappy
show starring) Anna Nicole Smith.
| August 14,
2002... Before They Were
Stars |
I'm going to try a little something new on The Gameroom
Blitz. I talked to Fark's Drew Curtis about how I could
draw more readers to the site, and he offered a lot of helpful
advice and suggestions. He thought I'd be better off if
I made the updates available at the top of the page, claiming
that the average reader would stay a lot longer if they could
quickly find the new content. It's a great idea... but
to make it work I'd have to completely redesign the page, and
I'm kind of attached to the current design.
I'll offer a compromise, though. I've added two
buttons at the top of the index that link directly to the
updates, and in case anyone's interested, the comic at the end
of the page. If you've seen the banner a million times
and just want to read the new content on the site, the buttons
will get you there in an instant.
Look at the time! I've got to be at the courthouse in
another hour... I'm going to change my name to "Acclaim Sucks
Donkey".
| August 13,
2002... Another Day at Spacely
Sprockets |
I remember when I was a little kid, watching The Jetsons...
George would come home, complaining that he was dead tired
after all the buttons he pressed that day. I'd say to
myself, "That's just dumb. Nobody's ever gonna
have a job where they press buttons all day, and if they did,
they sure wouldn't complain about it!"
Twenty years later, I'm doing IT work at a local
college. Today, I had to take a room full of computers
off the network, change their names, and return them to the
network. Twice. I'm dead tired, and it's largely
because I've been pressing buttons all day. Suddenly,
The Jetsons' view of the future doesn't seem so silly
anymore.
| August 12,
2002... Sayonara,
Summer! |
I made good on the promise to write a Mega Man X4 review,
but it's probably not what you expected... it's part of a
themed set including smaller reviews of two other games.
Oh yeah, coverage of the Pinobee sequel is finally on the Game
Boy Advance page, too... even if you hated the first one, you
might want to check it out. It might not have been such
a mistake for Artoon to split from Sega after all, although we
won't know this for sure until Blinx: The Time Sweeper comes
out.
And now for an uncharacteristically sappy
moment. You're probably sick and tired of the brutally
hot weather, and frankly, I am too. Just try to remember
that summer's given us a lot of great moments along with the
bad ones. That magic is almost over, so cherish what
little is left of the season. Splash around in the pool,
throw some burgers on the grill, or just spend some time on
the porch swing with your partner or best friend. Better
yet, squeeze it all into one day. You'll be glad you've
got those memories later when winter hits and you're
complaining just as bitterly about the chill in the air and
the ice on your windshield. I already regret missing out
on the fireflies...
| August 10, 2002...
National Lampoon's Mascot
Vacation |
Look, kids, your weekly comic is ready! I hope you
enjoy it... and please, don't hide it in the garage or trade
it for a Toaster Strudel this time.
I had plans to review Mega Man X4 and Hudson's sequel to
Pinobee (which is much better, yet far less publicized, than
the first) today, but it's going to have to wait for Monday...
it took forever to finish that comic! On a related note,
Rogue's Gallery is going to be a lot later than I'd previously
planned. The way things are going, I doubt it'll be
finished and online this year.
I'm sure the weekly comics will hold everyone over until
Rogue's Gallery debuts. Oh yeah, that reminds me!
Remember earlier this year when I mentioned that Byron would
be a guest star in someone else's comic? Well, that
moment has almost arrived. I'll give him the proper
sendoff next week in a slightly longer edition of Nature of
the Beast. After this, The Gameroom Blitz will be mascot
free, and you'll only be able to see Byron in Chris
Farrington's comic for as long as he's able to compete.
Once he's voted out of Eleven Will Die by Chris' secret panel
of judges, he'll come back. I suspect that he'll be
eliminated quickly, so enjoy the brief Byronlessness while it
lasts.
| August 9,
2002... More Sigma
Sadism |
Well, that's more than enough Mega Man X4 for the
day. I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't
already know, but Sigma is an asshole. The kind of
overpowered asshole with three different forms, each cheaper
and more obnoxious than the last. The kind of asshole
that makes you snap mentally... then snap Mega Man X CDs in
half. Honestly, the game's already difficult enough to
give the average player (me) an aneurysm. There was
absolutely no reason to make matters worse by turning the last
boss into a three course meal of frustration. Have Sigma
die after the second form, put a checkpoint between the second
and third forms; just do something that gives the player a
fighting chance. Sigma's holding all the cards, and it
just ain't fair... I should know, because I've screamed the
words "that ain't fair" at my monitor repeatedly for the past
hour.
I need to watch that copy of Kiki's Delivery Service I just
picked up. I'm sure it'll help me relax, although the
fact that Blockbuster was so desperate to get rid of it is in
itself a little aggravating. I can't come to grips with
the fact that Yu-Gi-Oh and Klasky-Csupo's poorly drawn schlock
are many times more popular than this work of art, which
Blockbuster pushed out the door for a few bucks.
| August 8,
2002... When Did This Become The Geopolitical
Blitz? |
We've got our Hojo working now! Some changes have
been made to Advance Theory thanks to the suggestion of a
helpful reader, who had a lot of trouble finding the game I
was talking about in yesterday's update. From now on,
fresh reviews in the Game Boy Advance section will be posted
on top of the page in addition to being added to the
list. Thanks for the advice, Hojo!
I've been locked in a fiery debate about US/Middle East
relations on another forum. I personally think we should
wean ourselves from foriegn oil and use biodesiel (a fuel
manufactured with corn oil), and they don't have a problem
with that. However, they weren't fond of my assertion
that every country in the Middle East except Israel is our
enemy, even if some of them, like Saudi Arabia, like to
pretend otherwise. Now I'm not saying we should nuke
everyone in the area, but the truth is, none of these
countries like us. There's no reason for us to be there,
and there's no reason we should support anyone eager to stick
a knife in our backs, even if it's to our (short term)
benefit.
The most obvious solution to the problem, and the only one
that's going to keep the terrorists from attacking, is to
create our own fuel source. That source exists, and it
could be right next to your house. Look at that gorgeous
field of corn! It's our ticket to independence from the
Middle East. Wouldn't you love to read the paper every
morning and NOT have to see headlines about Scumbag Hussein or
the Ayatollah Assahola, or some bastard who tried to sneak
aboard an airplane with razor blades in his shoes? It
could happen. Wouldn't it be great if there were more
jobs for Americans, and if farmers could make the money they
deserve rather than just barely getting by, if at all?
It could happen! Wouldn't you be amazed if all this
could be accomplished with a fuel you could pour straight into
an actual car, rather than a concept vehicle you'll never
actually see on the road? It could happen! It HAS
happened!!! Biodesiel already exists, and can even be
produced at home if you aced your chemistry class. It
SHOULD be thriving, but people refuse to see the variety of
benefits this most patriotic of fuels has to offer.
We'll learn to adapt eventually, though. The gas
companies had better accept this and start tapping this market
now, because twenty years and one world war from now, their
current tap's gonna run awfully dry.
So, uh, where was I again? Oh yeah, self-righteous
liberals attacking my geopolitical views. Even though I
still believe that we're asking for trouble dealing with any
of the Muslim nations in the Middle East, I kept my mind just
open enough to skim through a book about Islam (hey, I didn't
say I left it wide open). The book "Unveiling Islam"
seemed promising, so I spent a little time reading that.
It was certainly informative, even offering quotes from the
Koran, but also noticably biased against the religion... so
much so that even gullible me started to get suspicious.
So I flip to the front of the book and notice that all the
praise on the sleeve was coming from Christian
universities. I read a bit of the prologue and
everything came together... the book's "insiders' view of
Islam" came from two former Muslims who were converted to
Christianity and who obviously had a grudge against the
religion they abandoned. These guys aren't really doing
themselves any favors by writing this book... sure, it
accomplishes their goal of making Islam seem frightening and
barbaric, but it also perpetuates the stereotype that
Christians are pushy and manipulative.
Oh yeah, I guess I better throw in some obligatory gaming
crud to keep this post relevant. My friend Brian showed
me his collection of Visual Pinball games, and it looked
really exciting... I wasn't that interested in Visual Pinball
before, but I sure am now! However, it also demonstrated
why nobody bothered to bring Baby Pac-Man home... it would
just as quickly have been thrown out with the other
disposable, crap-filled baby products. Take a short
pinball playfield barren enough to leave you gasping for water
and staple it to an inferior, infuriatingly hard Pac-Man game
that very clearly WASN'T designed by Namco, and you've got a
blunder so legendarily stupid a waiter would have to serve it
with a new Coke. My other friend Jeremy likes to refer
to software created just for the greed of it as "cynical
cash-ins". If "cynical" is the best way to describe
these games, Diogenes himself probably designed this one.
| August 7,
2002... Treasure
Displeasure |
The last update would have made more sense if I'd mentioned
that I went to a buffet...
There's a new review in the Game Boy Advance section.
You might want to be careful, though... it won't go down
smoothly if you're still a fan of Treasure. I'm starting
to agree with Jeremy that the company's running out of
gas. I'm grateful for all the fantastic games they've
made in the past, but it seems like we've been waiting longer
and longer for them... and disappointments like Alien Soldier
and Mischief Makers don't make the wait any easier to
endure.
It might be time for this prodigal son to come back home to
Konami. I think they'd be a lot better off there... that
way, Konami could take advantage of Treasure's programming
experience and convince them not to make all those weird,
self-indulgent games nobody likes. In my opinion,
Treasure does its best work when it puts down the bong and
concentrates on making already great genres even better.
Their three best games, Gunstar Heroes, Guardian Heroes, and
Radiant Silvergun prove this. They'd probably make a lot
more of these and a lot fewer Light Crusaders and Stretch
Panics if they had the benefit of Konami's guidance.
| August 5,
2002... Confucious Say, "He Who Fights Sigma
Hates Life." |
I went to a pretty good Chinese/Japanese/Americanese place
over the weekend while hunting for games. Overall, I was
pretty satisfied with the experience, thanks largely to the
enormous amount of sushi they had available. However,
I've got a gripe about the fortune cookie they served (y'know,
with the bill, immediately after realizing that I'd polished
off over half of their most expensive menu items). Why
is it that whenever I go to a Chinese restaurant, I always get
a fortune like this...
|
"A
great adventure awaits
you in the near
future." | |
When I'm looking forward to getting one like this?
|
"May
the Schwartz be with you...
you... you...oh
what a
woild..." | |
Oh well... maybe someday, I'll get lucky and Mel
Brooks will be there to serve the meal himself! Hey,
we've all got our dreams.
I suppose I tapped the well of luck dry after finding
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night for ten dollars at a pawn
shop about thirty miles from my hometown. Jeremy was
convinced I'd have a tough time tracking the game down, and
there is some truth to that... I couldn't dig up a copy at the
sister store in Greenville, or any of its competitors.
In fact, there was only one of them in the store's huge
collection of Playstation games, but one's just enough for
me!
Just before I'd left, I looked through their library of PC
games, and came up with a real winner... a surprisingly good
translation of Mega Man X4. Seems that Capcom couldn't
afford to ignore the PC market any longer, and released this
game themselves rather than selling the license to Hi-Tech
Expressions. For this we should all be thankful, because
it's a tremendous improvement over previous PC versions of
Mega Man, going so far as to borrow code directly from the
Playstation game.
Another big surprise is that X4 is excellent... probably
the best game in the series. I often catch myself
popping in the disc and blasting my way to the next boss, even
though Mega Man X is my least favorite of the Mega Man
franchise. Count on a review of this game in another
week.
| August 3,
2002... Almond Joy's Got Nuts, Mounds
Don't |
Sometimes you feel like an update, sometimes you
don't. Sorry, guys, but I'm taking the weekend off... a
friend wanted me to help him design a game, and I've been
putting it off for way too long. I'll be back on
Monday.
| August 2,
2002... Thumbs
Down |
New comic, folks. It's worth mentioning that I didn't
actually see The Country Bears. If I never got around to
watching Scooby-Doo, I'm sure as heck not going to see a film
based on a Disney ride... especially one with a band
that's been described by critics as an ursine Lynyrd
Skynyrd. If I had a choice between being mauled by a
bear and listening to him sing a few verses from Mr. Saturday
Night Special, I'd break out the cell phone and reserve a bed
at the nearest hospital.
Anyway, here's the plan for the weekly comic. I'm
going to alternate between Zoo Logic and the tentatively
titled Nature of the Beast (if the name's been taken, I'll
change it to something else). The gaming commentary in
Zoo Logic should help keep the site on topic, and Nature of
the Beast lets me poke fun at everything else while developing
the personality of Byron, the site's mascot. I thought
about making Beast a dramatic series, detailing Byron's life
from beginning to end, but I don't think my readers are ready
for such a comic. Many of them hate furries with a
passion and can barely tolerate Byron as it is. To be
honest, I don't think I'm ready for it, either, so I'll just
keep drawing fun, silly comics until I'm confident enough
about the quality of my artwork to begin working on something
with more substance.
| August 1,
2002... Hey, It Was Worth a
Shot! |
"Hello, Konami Customer
Service?"
"Yes, how may we help you?"
"Well, I picked up
this Laser Scope for the NES a few months back, and it's
missing an eyepiece. I was wondering if you stocked
replacements? Oh. Uh, yes, I'll hold while you and
the rest of the customer service department have a good, long
laugh at my expense."
| July 31,
2002... Say Your Prayers, Eat Your Vitamins,
& Shoot Your
Gangsters |
Sorry I didn't update yesterday, folks... I had to make up
for lost sleep after working through the night on the features
section. If it's any consolation, I've written a new
review of a very old NES game. Warm up those Zappers...
then put them down again, because it's time for a trip through
Hogan's Alley! Don't worry about being mugged by a
flabby wrestler in a pink tutu; he's busy strangling Richard
Belzer.
All right, all right... I'll stop acting like a
moron. I did want to ask you guys a question,
though. The other day, I received an E-mail from a woman
who claimed to represent a cell phone company. She's
creating a presentation featuring graphics from various
Pac-Man games, hoping to convince a client to purchase a cell
phone maze game they're developing. She wants to
include footage from Pac-Mon, a JessCREATIONS*,Co.
shareware release from 1996, in this presentation. While
I'm not sure why she'd want to use my game for this
(perhaps to avoid paying Namco big bucks to use theirs?), I'd
be more than willing to let her.
I'm just not sure how I should handle the situation... she
mentioned paying for the license to my game, but I don't want
to lose the rights to it, nor do I want to risk a possible
legal battle with Namco. Sure, I
designed Pac-Mon, but it's an accurate translation of a
game that's clearly the property of a large corporation.
Alternately, I could just donate the rights under several
conditions (that I'm credited for my work in some way and that
I retain the rights to the code), but it would be nice to get
something out of this deal... you know, a souvenir.
What do you think I should do? If you've got an
opinion, please post it on the forum. I'd really
appreciate the help!
| July 29,
2002... Let the Sunshine
In |
It took all of last night, but I've finally finished the
features section. It nicely combines the layout from the
old site design with the oval borders commonly used in
the new one. It's very table dependant, so I'm not
sure how it'll look on your computers. I'm pretty sure
Netscape won't display it properly, but if you're using an
alternate browser and still have troubles, please let me know
and I'll try to address them.
I've got just enough energy left to get all this stuff on a
disk and talk a little about Super Mario Sunshine.
I was convinced that this game would be another cheesy Mario
spinoff, like Luigi's Mansion, but it really is a legitimate
sequel to Super Mario 64... it's just as cleverly designed and
incorporates many of the same play mechanics. It's worth
noting some of the differences between this game and the
previous one, though... Super Mario Sunshine reminds me a
little of the Lynx and Genesis game Todd's Adventures in Slime
World. Just like in Slime World, there's a lot of deadly
muck lying around, and water is your only defense against
it.
Thankfully, Super Mario Sunshine isn't anywhere near as
slow and aimless as that game, thanks to the level objectives
that worked so well in Super Mario 64 (you collect shine
sprites instead of stars... I'd insert a stupid "Shine Get!"
joke here but they've all been used already) and a much more
versatile weapon. I'm not even sure it would be accurate
to call the F.L.O.O.D. waterpack a weapon, since it can
be used in so many other ways, from propelling canoes to
holding Mario in mid-air after he jumps.
The graphics are marvelous in some respects, and not
especially impressive in others... some of the playfield
objects are built from surprisingly few polygons, and the
textures aren't exactly state of the art either (sorry,
Nintendo, but blurring them doesn't help matters). I
can't complain about the characters, though... Mario in
particular is perfectly rendered and animated, running
around the stages with a youthful enthusiasm you wouldn't
expect from a New York plumber. And would'ya look at the
special effects? The water is just as refreshing to the
player as it is to Mario, and the paint in each stage (ranging
from oily black ink to psychadelic wavy gravy, complete
with flowing colors) splatters and leaves trails if
you're unlucky enough to walk through it. Making a mess
has never looked so good!
I guess there was something to the E3 hype after all.
I'm still not ready to buy a GameCube, but a few more games
like this might change my mind. It'd be an even
more tempting purchase if third parties like Capcom and
Konami would follow Nintendo's lead and let their own once
popular characters make GameCube exclusive comebacks.
It just occured to me that maybe I should be reviewing some
games or something. I'll try to write some reviews
sometime this week, but you know how I am.
| July 27,
2002... Traffic
Decongestion |
I'd planned to work on the features section of this site
and work a little on a game I'm helping some friends design,
but after spending countless hours on the comic you'll find
below I don't have the energy for anything else.
If you liked Zoo Logic, you should enjoy this, although
some experience with the Crazy Taxi series (particularly the
later games) is a prerequisite. My
advice for those of you who thought Zoo Logic was
dumb? Suffer.
Someone needs to give me a reason to keep the forum
around. I'm thinking about removing it and just
directing my readers to the other message boards I regularly
visit. Sector: NGP's forums have infinitely
more traffic than mine, and the system that site covers hasn't
been actively supported for years! It's pretty
discouraging. I've failed to create a loyal reader base
with this site, and it's not fun to have that failure stare
you in the face day in and day out. The few people
who DO post already have their own message boards,
so the logical solution would be just to offer links to
them.
| July 25,
2002... Not So Crazy for Crazy Taxi
3 |
I'm happy to say that Bubble Bobble Old and New is every
bit as good as I'd hoped it would be. You'll find the
review on the Game Boy Advance page.
I didn't have such high hopes for Crazy Taxi 3, but I have
to admit that it's better than the second game. However,
despite the likable new characters and impressive lighting
effects, it just isn't as enjoyable as the very first Crazy
Taxi. I think great level design is a large part of what
made the original so popular... there were beautiful green
hills and parks mixed in with the drab grey buildings, and
this added definition, variety, and most importantly,
freedom to the experience. All this is largely
missing in the rather claustrophobic sequels, which surround
you with skyscrapers at nearly every turn. I've got one
other problem with the new Crazy Taxi games, but I'll address
that in an upcoming comic.
| July 24,
2002... Thou Shalt Not
Pass |
I'm surprised... I thought for sure I'd have gotten a nasty
response from Something Awful or its readers, but I guess it
takes a lot more than what I'd said in yesterday's update to
make Rich Kyanka sore. Kyanka sore? Er, never
mind.
This NES stuff sure piles up fast. The other day I
picked up one of my all-time favorite controllers, the NES
Advantage. I loved it when I was a kid but I'll play a few
games with it over the weekend to make sure that it's as good
as I remember. At the very least, its larger buttons and
easily spun joystick will come in handy the next time
I pop in Track & Field II.
I'm having a hell of a time deciding whether or not I
really want a Blockbuster Freedom Pass... on one hand, I could
potentially rent up to sixty different games, which would give
me plenty to talk about on this site. I just don't know
if I'd have the time to play them all thoroughly with my
current work schedule! I'll only have less time next
month when fall college classes start, so I'd better make up
my mind soon...
Oh, just one more quick note. If you guys are
looking for the site's older features, you should be able to
find them by clicking on the icon in the list above.
This will lead you to last year's index, which made the vast
majority of the articles on The Gameroom Blitz readily
available. I have similar plans for the new site
design... I just haven't finished all the necessary pages
yet.
| July 23,
2002... The Kyanka
Konflict |
Well, that was pretty freaky, Scoob. The .PNG file I
posted yesterday would only display properly in a dedicated
graphics editor... all that would come up when you viewed it
from an Internet browser was a boring black box. I
think I have the problem solved, but just in case,
I'm gonna offer the drawing in three different
formats. For the best performance, stick with
premium.
If The Gameroom Blitz was recently featured on
Something Awful, I'm to blame for that. I've been
worried that one of my sites, be it this one or the upcoming
Rogue's Gallery, would become the subject of a scathing review
from Rich Kyanka or one of the members of his thug
squad. I just got so tired of waiting for the axe to
fall that I went to Kyanka myself... not so much to complain,
"Hey, what the hell is taking you so long?", but to gripe
about some of his other victims, ranging from kids
starting their first comics to handicapped ladies with polio
(glad to know Rich is willing to take a stand
against such intimidating figures). I figured I'd send
him a heartfelt, yet intelligent letter, since he likes to
remind us (constantly) that the Internet is devoid of any real
value and that most site authors are complete nimrods.
His response?
"Didn't read. Too long."
So it seems that Rich isn't really interested in
making the Internet better. I can certainly understand
why, though. After all, how could he sell us everything
from T-shirts to refreshing,
grenade-powered Something Awful colonics if the
Internet actually had intelligent, thought provoking content? If that
horrible day were to ever come, he'd have to work his
poor tail off to survive, offering more of
the genuinely funny content people expect from
Something Awful rather than picking on
depressed teenagers for the rest of eternity. That
sure would suck for him, although maybe the rest of us could
visit Something Awful every once in a while without
seeing the same repetitive pattern of goth/furry/personal site
bashing that's plagued the site for far too many
months.
So here's the deal, folks... for the betterment of
Something Awful and the Internet as a whole, you need to put
on your thinking caps and come up with some terrific web sites
people might actually want to read. If you need help,
refer to Ain't It Cool News, then do exactly the opposite
of what Harry Knowles is doing. I want to see at least
fifty great web pages by the end of the year, and if my
demands aren't met within the next six months, my horde of
militant blood-drinking Azyan raccoon poets will be
feasting on Rich Kyanka's white facepaint-stained bones.
| July 22,
2002... Don't Worry, Be
Happy |
I can't believe it! I think I'm actually...
happy! Happy that I've taken the enormous weight off my
shoulders that I've been carrying around for months.
Happy that I managed to find both Bloody Roar II and Suikoden
II for reasonable prices at some local stores. And
most of all, happy that I unlocked some of the
secrets in Adobe's PhotoDeluxe software. Take a
look at this!
I decided to experiment with PhotoDeluxe a little after
drawing and scanning some Section Z tribute artwork, and I'm
glad I did. After discovering that dynamic duo of the
color wand and gradient shading, I was able to give my drawing
more subtle coloring than would ever have been possible in
Paint, in a lot less time. I like this... I like this a
lot. You can bet that I'll be using it often. I
just hope I don't become one of those PhotoShop- er,
PhotoDeluxe, rather- whores that tries to hide his artistic
deficiencies with a lot of pretty effects. I like this
drawing a lot, but it'd be much better with a background and
more detailed rock formations.
| July 20,
2002... Sinking
Friendship |
From now on, Saturdays are gonna be the official art day of
The Gameroom Blitz. Every weekend, I'm going to
add something new... it could be a comic, a new
banner, or a photo from my digital camera, but whatever it is,
it should make the site just a little more fun.
Today, I've included a silly little comic featuring Byron,
his female counterpart Elle, and myself. I'm kind of
worried that Sinfest has already used this pun, since it is
after all the foremost authority on pimp humor.
Nevertheless, I'm going to take a chance and print this comic,
because it took me hours- yes, literally hours- to draw,
color, and resize it. There's a reason I'm limiting
myself to one comic per week!
Have you ever been so angry with someone that you wished a
Darwin Award on them? That's
the way I'm feeling right now. I'm trying to suppress
that anger, though, because as much as I'd like to see the
object of my contempt get flattened by his own car while
changing a tire on a steep hill, starting another battle with
him would only add to my frustration. What I think I'll
do instead is just write him off as a loss, forget that he
ever existed, and go on with my life. Another friend of
mine suggested that I just back away from the situation and
wait until we've both cooled down. It's excellent
advice, but in this case, I just don't think it's going to
work. There was hostility between myself and this
person from the very beginning, and that hostility has
only grown over the years, fueled by increasingly stupid and
pointless arguments. Judging from past
experiences, it's not going to get better; just worse, and I'm
no longer able to tolerate these fights as it is.
So, it's with some grief and a lot of relief that I'm calling
it off forever.
It's game over for this friendship, and frankly, we've both
lost.
| July 19,
2002... Me, Make An Ass of
Myself? |
All right, let's pretend for a second that I didn't miss
Friday's update.
I could have sworn that VG Cats was hosting The Misc, but I
looked at Scott's page and didn't see a single
mention of the comic there. So either he dropped it like
a hot potato, or it was never there at all and I just made an
ass of myself. If the latter applies, I'd like to
apologize to the editor of VG Cats for the mistake.
| July 18,
2002... First Thoughts on the Nintendo
e-reader |
Let's see how long I can keep this up!
I heard about a card reader for the Game Boy
Advance in the latest issue of GameNOW!, and you know, I
might just get one. It's bulky, and at fourty dollars, a
costly initial investment, but I like the idea of playing
really tiny games on really tiny cards for a really tiny
price. It's my understanding that packs of cards for the
reader will cost only a few bucks each... of course,
not every card will include a game, but if there's at least
three titles in the pack along with the GameCube codes,
you're still getting a pretty good deal. I just wonder
how well supported the reader will be... it shouldn't be too
tough for the manufacturer to supply it with plenty
of games, when you consider that hobbyists have already
written dozens of homebrews for the system. In the worst
case scenerio, they could always buy the rights to these
games, which are quite small and perfectly suited to the card
format. If the reader catches on, however,
perhaps Nintendo will publish all of their older NES and
arcade games on cards, and my dream of playing a REAL version
of Donkey Kong on the go will finally be realized.
I never had much faith in Zoo Logic, but after the last two
weeks of reading poorly drawn furry comics and gaming strips
best described as Penny Arcade Lite (as in lite in humor
and artistic quality), I don't feel nearly as bad about
it. I'm sure you guys have heard about Metal Ice
already, but there's another comic out there called The
Misc. that looks and reads so much like Penny
Arcade that it could pass as its stunt double. What I
find tough to understand is that it, as well as a handful
of forgettable sprite comics, is hosted by the creator of
VG
Cats, a beautifully drawn and colored strip that
brings the furry and gaming comic genres together better than
Zoo Logic ever could. I'm convinced that the author
could build a strong reader base comprised of gamers and furry
fans alienated by Penny Arcade's abrasive, arrogant
writer Tycho. The only thing holding him back are
the half-dozen lame-o comics he's hosting. C'mon,
Scott... VG Cats could be big if you'd just lose the dead
weight!
| July 17,
2002... Operation: Fan
Porn |
Am I really updating on a daily basis? That's so
unlike me.
I'm still playing my NES, along with any Zapper games I can
find. I liked Freedom Force before, but after having
played Operation: Wolf I appreciate it even more... I think
I'll give it another point the next time I update the review
page. You'd think Taito would have been really careful
translating Op: Wolf to the NES, considering how
popular it was in America... even kids who didn't like video
games constantly played this one back in 1988. I don't
think anyone got much mileage out of this barely adequate
translation, though, especially if they made the mistake of
playing it with a Zapper. We all remember how tough it
is to squeeze the trigger on Nintendo's light gun,
right? Well, try doing it hundreds of times in rapid
succession. In fact, don't... just buy a copy of Freedom
Force instead.
My friend's been telling me about a disturbing new trend on
the already porn-clogged Internet... erotic fan-fiction, or
yaoi (pronounced "yowie", which is what you'll scream if you
ever accidentally read some of the stuff).
Evidently, your common, everyday men and women aren't enough
to thrill some porn fans... they want to read about their
favorite pop culture icons doin' the wild thang. This
has resulted in some of the strangest pairings since the debut
of the World Wide Web Fights back in
1995. Imagine, if you dare, Qui-Gon Jin and
Darth Maul shagging rather than fragging each
other. Or, if that doesn't make your pubic hairs fall
off in sheer horror, how about Tails and Klonoa (eek!), Calvin
and Hobbes (arrrgh!!!), or Godzilla and Mothra? All
right, I made the last one up, but I doubt it surprised you
much after hearing about the first three.
It's my opinion that there's way too much porn on the
Internet, and normally I wouldn't want to add to this leaning
tower of sleaze-a. However, I'm going to write a yaoi of
my own, just to demonstrate how unbelievably MORONIC they
really are. My apologies to Jamie Faye Fenton for
dragging her masterpiece through the mud, and to anyone who
actually reads this.
| July 16,
2002... Site Design Tweaks (plus, revenge of
the Nerds) |
I'm back a little earlier than expected, but
just to address some issues my readers had with the new front
page. A friend suggested that I should use larger
links in the navigation bar, and nobody was happy
with the bright purple background. I've switched over to
indigo for the moment... it offers higher contrast and isn't
quite as feminine as the color I'd used yesterday.
However, even if it makes everyone else happy, I'm not sure
I'M completely satisfied with it. I guess I'll
just experiment for the rest of the month, then pick the
color I like best.
According to my friend, there's one more problem
with the new site design that I'm not even sure I can
fix. Anyone still surfing the web with Netscape
Navigator is probably going to see a confused mess with text
scattered all over the place rather than the site as I'd
intended it to be viewed (anyone who said "What's the
difference?" will be getting a coupon in the mail, good for a
free boot in the ass). I'd take care of this as well,
but frankly, I don't know how! If you know how I can
change the HTML to make it compliant with both Netscape
and Internet Explorer, tell me and I'll give it a shot.
Also, if you're reading this from other browsers and you're
experiencing problems, please clue me in... I won't know
unless you tell me.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've been a good little
web site editor and I deserve a treat. Let's
try a few of these... I used to love them when I was a
kid! Wait a minute. They're white...
and pineapple flavored?! Ugh,
these new Nerds are nasty! Thanks, Nestle...
you've made the very best a whole lot worse since you
purchased Sunbelt Brands and its Wonka line of candies.
You won't be catching any SweeTarts in MY beard from now on,
let me tell you!
| July 15,
2002... Site Redesign: Red
Line |
Let's see... the appetizers are on the table, well out of
Byron's reach. Is my tie straight? Ah, much
better. Everything's almost ready! I'll just add
one more review and... great! I can finally open this
curtain! Ladies and gentlemen, this is the third edition
of The Gameroom Blitz!
After nearly a year of sticking with the old front page
layout, I've completely redesigned the index, adding
serpentine framework and trimming down the size. There's
good and bad to this... the much quicker load times and easier
navigation are the obvious benefits, but some of the
personality of the old index has been lost as a result of the
new look. I really hope you like what I've done with the
place, but if not, here's your escape hatch.
As you might imagine, the new design that's intended to
simplify things for the reader makes things a whole lot more
complicated for me... I'm having a tough time deciding just
how I'll link to the site's most popular features; fun
articles like Fighter's Misery and Mickey Tveter's expose of
the television show Video Power. I'm leaning towards
creating a general features link that would in turn lead you
to all of The Gameroom Blitz's best columns.
However, that's an extra click for the reader, and I
always wanted them to have instant access to these
articles.
Furthermore, I'm not sure how I'm going to handle the staff
profiles. I've been using the same deck of cards for
months now, and I'd like to trade them in for new artwork;
perhaps something drawn by myself rather than video game
screenshots. Until I've decided on a format, the
profiles will only be available from the old index.
Since the topic of staff profiles has come up, I might as
well ask... if you write for The Gameroom Blitz, now might be
a good time to freshen up your profile, or turn one in if you
haven't already done so (Tony, I'm looking in your
direction). I'm not going to require you to do this, but
if something important has happened between the time you wrote
your last profile and now, this'll give you the opportunity to
tell the readers of this site about it.
I have just one more reminder for you guys. As you
can see, the site's currently under heavy construction and as
a result some links aren't going to be ready, or won't work at
all. In addition to this, articles I'd planned to write
are going to be put on the backburner until I'm finished
redesigning The Gameroom Blitz. John Roche has sent in a
terrific review of Treasure's Nintendo 64 release Sin and
Punishment, but that's the only new content you'll find
here. I will try my best to keep you
regularly informed of my progress on this site as
well as other information here in the updates section of the
index, however.
I hope I can make your patience pay off. I want to
create a network of JessCREATIONS*, Co. sites in the near
future, consisting of not only The Gameroom Blitz, but my
art page Rogue's Gallery as well as
the ambitious gaming fanzine archive
On-File. I've already been pledged server space for
On-File, and it shouldn't be very difficult to find a home for
Rogue's Gallery. Once all that's done, I'd like to
create a hub with a relatively simple URL that would
direct web surfers to all three sites... it'd be a lot easier
to promote them this way, and would give readers
alternate sites to check out once they're finished reading one
of them.
That about covers all the bases, I think. You'll see
another update next Monday.
| July 9,
2002... Journey
Escape |
It wasn't just any nerd that travelled
with Toastyfrog editor Jeremy Parish to see Journey... it
was the ultimate nerd, me! And let me tell you, for such
a "washed up" band, they did a terrific job of bringing in an
audience. Newbie Steve Augeri
and the rest of the group filled not only
the designated concert space (before we got there... blast it
all!) but a nearby shore, half a bridge, and most of the
yachts floating under it. There was even a particularly
devoted woman who floated as close to the concert as possible
in a tiny inflatable kayak! I can understand why, too,
because Journey sounded fantastic. They were so great
that they'd made victims of the youngest concert goers, who
were being pressed into the chain link fence by their parents
and the rest of the vast crowd.
I'd have photos of the fans, their flattened offspring, the
serene yet smelly Muskegon shoreline, and the yummy Dippin'
Dots I had, but the festival didn't allow people to take
snapshots of anything. I felt this was unfair, but since
I didn't like the idea of a security officer throwing my brand
new Pocket Cam into the nearest portajohn, I only let it come
out to play before we entered the festival. Oh... did I
mention that? I'm the owner of a digital camera
now! It's kind of cheap- you could probably measure the
resolution in micropixels- but it performs well enough in
ideal lighting conditions, and I love the size and
shape. It's perfect for neuralizing citizens who know
too much... either that or just taking grainy, washed out
pictures of them. You'll see a review of the Pocket Cam
at the end of the week, and plenty of snapshots in subsequent
updates. Heck, why wait? Since I'm desperate
enough for hits to compromise the privacy of a close friend
just to bring in few extra visitors, I'll let you Toastyfrog
fans have a sneak peek of the
site's elusive editor!
[Postscript: That was a joke, of course. I think I
pasted the guy from Atlantis into that photo, just in case the
link no longer works]
| July 5,
2002... Bored on the Fifth of July (also, new
forum rules) |
I couldn't have asked for a better fourth this
year... I watched some of the best fireworks I've ever seen in
surprisingly cool, almost completely mosquito-free
conditions. Heck, people were so eager to start
celebrating that I caught a few colorful explosions on the way
back from work the night before! I suspect the
only way next year's Independance Day will top this one is if
we catch Osama on the third of July.
All right, enough friendly chat... it's time
to get down to business. I didn't think I'd have to lay
down rules for the message board, because I figured my readers
would be smart enough to know what they should and shouldn't
post (if they post at all, which they usually don't, but I
digress). However, a practical joker recently tried to
pass himself off as me, posting insults on the
forum directed at a former contributor to The Gameroom
Blitz. I'm not going to get into the details of why this
former staff member no longer writes for this web site, but
needless to say, the prankster's attempt to start another
quarrel between us was not appreciated.
So here's the deal, folks. I'd love to
see more people post on the message board, but there are
limits as to what you can do over there... there always have
been, but I never bothered to put those rules into
writing. That ends today. Here's the
official terms of service agreement for The Gameroom
Blitz' message board. There aren't many rules, and the
ones that are there are pretty reasonable. Anyone who
disregards them will be given the punishment proven most
effective in Australia... a booting, with a wingtip, through
the gates of the US Embassy.
1. No impersonation or identity fraud,
except in cases where the post is obviously satirizing someone
else. By an obvious parody, I mean you'd
better sign the post with a MAD-style name rather
than the actual name of the person you're ribbing. Some
suggestions for "Jess Ragan" include Cess Ragnacenty and Jizz
Rag-on.
2. No prolonged personal attacks.
This has happened a few times over on the Digital Press forum,
and Joe's policy has been to warn the guilty parties, then
boot them. I hope Joe doesn't mind, but I'm adopting
that policy too. Arguments are fine, but if you have to
resort to calling someone a fag, you've picked the wrong
message board for it. Don't try to be sneaky about your
insults, either, because I'll know... contrary to popular
opinion, I'm not stupid. If you try to get under
someone's skin and won't stop I'll settle matters with a
pair of tweezers.
3. No spamming. It'll be a sad day
when someone decides that my Hotmail account isn't good enough
and tries to sell their herbal Viagra substitutes on my
forum. It'll be a REALLY sad day for them if I find
them.
That's pretty much it. Don't impersonate
other posters (even if you've got the sideburns and sequined
jumpsuit for it), don't be a bastard, and don't sell my
readers crap. It shouldn't be too hard to follow these
guidelines. Oh yeah, there's just one more rule...
actually, it's more of a suggestion. If you read this
web site and enjoy it, please post on the message board!
A lot of other web sites ask for donations... I don't expect
that from you, but I would like some feedback and
opinions. That's always been really important to me, and
aside from contributing reviews and articles, it's the best
way to support The Gameroom
Blitz.
